{"id":197,"date":"1996-05-21T07:45:00","date_gmt":"1996-05-21T14:45:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.scriven.ca\/~scriven\/?p=197"},"modified":"2020-01-03T09:13:48","modified_gmt":"2020-01-03T17:13:48","slug":"the-saga-of-scurvys-sig","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.scriven.ca\/~scriven\/the-saga-of-scurvys-sig\/","title":{"rendered":"The Saga of Scurvy’s .Sig"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

[Originally posted in 1996ish, on http:\/\/www.lore.com\/~scriven\/<\/a>, recovered here from the Wayback Machine<\/a>.]<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A friend of mine, Scott Tadman<\/a> has always hated my .sig files, and this newest one: <\/p>\n\n\n\n

                 URL = http:\/\/www.lore.com\/~scriven\/<\/a>\n*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+\n<\/pre>\n\n\n\n
 has caused him no end of grief and heartache. 
 He has decided to fight back, to try and get me to fix\/change the .sig to something more acceptable and appealing, and so the saga begins… <\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n
\n\n\n\n
Parte the Firste<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
>*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+ 
  ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ 
 What exactly is the *+*+… operator? Some kind of encoded message? Something from Perl<\/a> 5? Explain, or toss it from your .sig. A suitable explanation might be: <\/p>\n\n\n\n
\n–begin–\n
\nDisclaimer: The previous line (the Line) contains symbols known to perform\nmathematical operations in most programming languages. Inclusion of this line\nin any program is not allowed, except in those States, countries, or cultures\nwhere this kind of limitation is not allowed or is deemed morally responsible.\n<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\nUse, duplication, distribution or disclosure of this Line is subject to\narbitrary restrictions set out in subparagraphs (v) through (ax) of the\nCommercial Applications of Signature Material and Related Elements clause\nof MMX 42.911-007 when applicable, or in subsection (f)(i)(0x56) of the\nRights to Signature Subsets Reference Document Standard published by the\nNNA in their semi-annual Supplicant Supplement available only at Government\nWarehouse Document Storage and Destruction in Bristol, UK.\n<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\nYou may not download or otherwise export or reexport this Line or any\nunderlying elements or connotations except in full compliance with all\nUnited States, Canadian, Swedish and Tonganese applicable laws and regulations.\nIn particular, but without limitation of an incomplete kind, none of this\nLine may be transmitted to (i) any resident of Belgium, French Polynesia,\nTibet or Quebec or (ii) anyone on the INTERPOL’s list of suspected C64 users.\nBy letting the characters composing the Line be transmitted from system RAM\nto display RAM you agree to the foregoing and you are representing that you\nare not located in, or are within rubber chicken tossing distance of any\nsuch country, nor are on any such list, should one actually exist.\n<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\nADAM SCRIVEN MAKES NO REPRESENTATIONS ABOUT THE SUITABILITY OF THIS LINE FOR\nANY PURPOSE. THIS LINE IS PROVIDED ‘AS IS’ WITHOUT EXPRESS OR IMPLIED\nWARRANTIES, INCLUDING WARRANTIES OF FITNESS FOR ANY PROGRAMMING PURPOSE OR\nOTHERWISE. THIS LINE IS PROVIDED GRATUITOUSLY, AND ACCORDINGLY, ADAM SCRIVEN\nSHALL NOT BE HELD LIABLE UNDER ANY THEORY FOR ANY DAMAGES SUFFERED BY YOU,\nANY PROGRAMMER, RELATIVE, COUSIN, GRANDMOTHER, OR SMALL FURRY NON-HUMAN\nCOMPANION. ADAM SCRIVEN WILL NOT SUPPORT THIS LINE AND WILL NOT ISSUE ANY\nUPDATES TO IT UNTIL BECOMING SUFFICIENTLY BORED WITH IT SO AS TO BE DRIVEN TO\nREPLACE IT.\n<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\nAdam Scriven, the Line, “*+*+*+*+” and all variations and permutations are\ntrademarks of Adam Scriven because a runaway Perl program did it automatically\nwhile unattended for three days.\n<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\nCopyright \u00a9 1995,1996 Adam Scriven. All rights reserved.\n
\n–end–\n<\/p>\n\n\n\n
 All that was generated automatically by &MakeBullshitDisclaimer; in lawyer.pl. Isn’t Perl<\/a> 5 amazing? <\/p>\n\n\n\n
\n\n\n\n
\nAfter I got this, I laughed for a while, but continued to use the .sig.\n
\nScott<\/a>\ndidn’t give up, and so, the saga continues…\n<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\n\n\n\n
Parte Deux<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
             ,-----------.\n             | Ditch Me! |\n             | __________'\n             |\/\n*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+\n<\/pre>\n\n\n\n
--begin new.sig--\n\n--\n<!-- Adam Scriven, Professional Support Person\/Stuntman\/Trekker-For-Life --\n  -- scriven@lore.com<\/a>, scriven@inforamp.net<\/a>, yu106772@yorku.ca<\/a>, blah.etc -->\n\n--end--\n<\/pre>\n\n\n\n
--begin new.2.sig--\n------------------------------------------------------------------------------\n | # Start |  <- Click here for pain and suffering.                    12:01PM\n------------------------------------------------------------------------------\n--end--\n<\/pre>\n\n\n\n
--begin new.3.sig--\n>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>\n|| Adam \"A Good Had Was Timed By All\" Scriven || scriven@lore.com<\/a> || |:o)>- ||\n<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<\n--end--\n<\/pre>\n\n\n\n
\nThe preceeding SIGs were brought to you by the letters “C”,”L”,”U”, and “E”\nand the number 4. Special accomodations provided by “U”.\n<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\n\n\n\n
\nWhen I started\nworking<\/a>\nat\nInfoRamp<\/a>\/iSTAR<\/a>,\nall the support staff were told to use a standard issue .sig file:\n<\/p>\n\n\n\n
------------------------------------------------------------------------------\nAdam S    - InfoRamp<\/a>\/iSTAR<\/a>, (416) 363-9100  (800) 429-5656  staff@inforamp.net<\/a>\n\nHave you checked our SUPER help data base<\/a> yet?  Just click on the SuperHelpMan\non our homepage<\/a>.\n\nDo you know about our newsgroups...?\ninforamp.support<\/a>    - for support related questions, and\ninforamp.donut-shop<\/a> - for general Internet discussions\n\nDo you know about our \"message of the day<\/a>\" web page...?\nhttp:\/\/www.inforamp.net\/<\/a> and click on <message of the day>.\n----------------------------------------------------------------------------\n<\/pre>\n\n\n\n
\nAnd of course,\nScott<\/a>\nHAD<\/strong> to complain…\n<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\n\n\n\n
Part Three<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
\nLooks like your .sig got hit by a bus. It’s all big and flat and full of\ngravel.\n<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\nIs this standard issue, or is this an available target?\n
\nLike I care. Here goes:\n<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\n<RANT HREF=\"http:\/\/www.lore.com\/~scriven\/htdocs\/signature.frame.shtml<\/a>\"><\/code>\n<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\nWhat the heck is it for? Spamming anyone who needs support such that they\ndon’t call back for a few weeks (while they wait for Eudora to download\nthe .sig)?\n<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\n<SCREAM>AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!!!!<\/em><\/SCREAM>\n<\/p>\n\n\n\n
------------------------------------------------------------------------------\n \"Frank<\/a>\" at InfoRamp<\/a>\/i*STAR<\/a>   (416)363-9100 (800)429-5656 staff@inforamp.net<\/a>\n------------------------------------------------------------------------------\n Quick Tip:    Have you checked our SUPER help data base<\/a> yet?\n              Just click on the SuperHelpMan on our homepage<\/a>.\n------------------------------------------------------------------------------\n<\/pre>\n\n\n\n
\nOR…\n<\/p>\n\n\n\n
------------------------------------------------------------------------------\n \"Frank<\/a>\" at InfoRamp<\/a>\/i*STAR<\/a>   (416)363-9100 (800)429-5656 staff@inforamp.net<\/a>\n------------------------------------------------------------------------------\n Quick Tip:  Do you know about our newsgroups...?\n                 inforamp.support<\/a>    - for support related questions\n                 inforamp.donut-shop<\/a> - for general Internet discussions\n------------------------------------------------------------------------------\n<\/pre>\n\n\n\n
\nOR…\n<\/p>\n\n\n\n
------------------------------------------------------------------------------\n \"Frank<\/a>\" at InfoRamp<\/a>\/i*STAR<\/a>   (416)363-9100 (800)429-5656 staff@inforamp.net<\/a>\n------------------------------------------------------------------------------\n Quick Tip: Do you know about our \"message of the day<\/a>\" web page...?\n                http:\/\/www.inforamp.net\/<\/a> and click on .\n----------------------------------------------------------------------------\n<\/pre>\n\n\n\n
\nOR…\n<\/p>\n\n\n\n
------------------------------------------------------------------------------\n \"Frank<\/a>\" at InfoRamp<\/a>\/i*STAR<\/a>   (416)363-9100 (800)429-5656 staff@inforamp.net<\/a>\n------------------------------------------------------------------------------\n Quick Tip: Did you know that you could be a clueless newbie?\n                `telnet 127.0.0.1<\/a>' to find out\n------------------------------------------------------------------------------\n<\/pre>\n\n\n\n
 I mean really<\/strong>. Remember, in the immortal words of Scott Adams (world famous creator of Dilbert<\/a>) “Bob, it’s not good to read them all at once, you know.” There could be more in the future too. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
\nSo what does this mean?\n<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\nIt’s time for your .sig rotation program. There’s a few for Windows, but\nthe surprising news is that they’re all 3MB since they contain the\nlargest tag-line collection in the world.\n<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\nIf you don’t fix your .sig, I’ll have to say…”Don’t worry about his\ne-mail. His employer dresses him funny.”\n<\/p>\n\n\n\n
[\/][\\][\/][\\][\/][\\][\/][\\][\/][\\][\/][\\][\/][\\][\/][\\][\/][\\][\/][\\][\/][\\][\/][\\][\/][\\]\n[\\]  \"Hello, My Name Is Adam Scriven\"    My T-3 is faster than your modem. [\/]\n[\/]    \"The CIA shot my dog and took my car. Go figure\" - Albert Torbus    [\\]\n[\\][\/][\\][\/][\\][\/][\\][\/][\\][\/][\\][\/][\\][\/][\\][\/][\\][\/][\\][\/][\\][\/][\\][\/][\\][\/]\n<\/pre>\n\n\n\n
\n<\/RANT><\/code>\n<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\n\n\n\n
\nAnd the ranting continued in another message…\n<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\n\n\n\n
Part Three, Continued…<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
> > [Big ugly .sig]\n> > Is this standard issue, or is this an available target?\n> \n> Standard Issue.\n<\/pre>\n\n\n\n
\nYou can’t parade around with that thing on. What will your parents think?\n
\nBesides, here’s an improved version:\n<\/p>\n\n\n\n
------------------------------------------------------------------------------\nAdam S    - InfoRamp<\/a>\/iSTAR<\/a>, (416) 363-9100  (800) 429-5656  staff@inforamp.net<\/a>\n\nHave you checked our SUPER help data base<\/a> yet?  Just click on the SuperHelpMan\non our homepage<\/a>. Hint: Look for the man in tights with a large balloon caption.\n\nDo you know about our newsgroups...?\ninforamp.support<\/a>       - for support related questions, and\ninforamp.donut-shop<\/a>    - for general Internet discussions\nalt.sex.fetish.diapers<\/a> - for uncontrollable urges\n\nDo you know about our \"message of the day<\/a>\" web page...?\nhttp:\/\/www.the-list.com\/<\/a>, find InfoRamp, and click on .\n\nDid you know you need a modem to connect to i*STAR<\/a>?\nDid you know about the Dial-Up Scripting tool in Windows 95?\nIt can log you in automatically so you can forget your password.\n\nDid you know that you can get faster technical support if you date one of\nthe support representatives? Supplies are limited. Call now.\n\nHave you ever read the manual that came with your computer?\nDid you know that you can actually participate in newsgroup discussions?\nDid you know that you can create your own newsgroups? Try creating an alt.fan\ngroup for yourself and see all kinds of nice messages about you.\n\nDid you know that posting \"****MAKE MONEY FAST****\" can get you into a lot\nof trouble? Did you know that they are usually full of lies?\n\nDid you know that falling asleep on your keyboard is bad for your forhead?\nWhen you can't focus on the screen, or you start seeing two of them, it\nis usually a good time to sign off.\n\nDid you know that facing i*STAR<\/a> while connected makes your file transfers\ngo faster? i*STAR<\/a> is located near the CN Tower.\n\nDid you know about the i*STAR<\/a> Comic Relief line? To liven up an otherwise\ndull day, you can listen in on a selected tech support call in progress.\nLook for i*STAR<\/a>'s \"The Best of the Clueless Newbies\" album in stores this fall.\n\nDid you know that recovering from IRC and USENET addition is an easy twelve\nstep process? There is even a FAQ.\n\nAre you having trouble figuring out what the whole point of the Internet is?\nYou may have found the answer.\n\nDid you know that having a \"signature\" longer than five lines is considered\ninconsiderate? It should be brief and contain only the most important of\ninformation. Postal addresses, family trees, small Perl<\/a> programs, and\nASCII art of pets or relatives is highly discouraged and is often the\nsubject of ridicule.\n\n----------------------------------------------------------------------------<\/pre>\n\n\n\n
\nLike the licence plate:\n<\/p>\n\n\n\n
                                  \/--------\\\n                                  | CLU 4U |\n                                  \\--------\/<\/pre>\n\n\n\n
\nHave a .sig day.\n<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\n\n\n\n
\nWell, I’m getting tired of being slagged, and the\nInfoRamp<\/a>\n.signature IS<\/em> kindof extreme, so…\n<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\n\n\n\n
The Saga goes Forth<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
Adam joins the fray!<\/h4>\n\n\n\n
\n<DISCLAIMER>\n
\nThis is a standard issue\nInfoRamp<\/a>\/iSTAR<\/a>\n.signature file.\n
\nI make no claims as to it’s politeness, usefullness, general lack of\nclue, or anything to do with it.  I have just been told to use it by\nthe powers that be, and since they also sign the cheques, I’m listening\nto them.\n
\nUse of this .signature file by me in any context, and in any form does\nnot imply a loss of clue on my part, nor does it imply a willingness\nto use the .signature file over and above the implication that I want\nto get paid.\n
\n<\/DISCLAIMER>\n<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
[Originally posted in 1996ish, on http:\/\/www.lore.com\/~scriven\/, recovered here from the Wayback Machine.] A friend of mine, Scott Tadman has always hated my .sig files, and this newest one: URL = http:\/\/www.lore.com\/~scriven\/ *+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+ has caused him no end of grief and heartache. He has decided to fight back, to try and get me to fix\/change the … Continue reading “The Saga of Scurvy’s .Sig”<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"fifu_image_url":"","fifu_image_alt":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[14],"tags":[41],"class_list":["post-197","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-personal","tag-personal"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.scriven.ca\/~scriven\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/197","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.scriven.ca\/~scriven\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.scriven.ca\/~scriven\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.scriven.ca\/~scriven\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.scriven.ca\/~scriven\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=197"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"https:\/\/www.scriven.ca\/~scriven\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/197\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":202,"href":"https:\/\/www.scriven.ca\/~scriven\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/197\/revisions\/202"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.scriven.ca\/~scriven\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=197"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.scriven.ca\/~scriven\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=197"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.scriven.ca\/~scriven\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=197"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}